A brother just last night told me that I am merely going through a season that is a time which God is using to make me into the man I need to be in order to be both a blessing to my future wife and worthy of the blessing that is her. He didn’t say it so eloquently, but that was the basic idea of what he said. I know this to be true, as His very Word proclaims such to me as I allow the Spirit of God to move and instruct me in all the things He is doing.
For instance, I know in the deepest depths of my soul that, perhaps not in the pulpit, perhaps not on missions, and perhaps not by spoken word, I have been ordained by the hand of Almighty God to preach the Word, in season and out of season, always ready as it were. But I am still being groomed, and I thank God for the trimming and pruning. He knows I am in need of it.
But, what is matchless in His mercy and grace is the desire to love again. I have the overwhelming desire to throw myself “all in,” to reference the gambling phrase. I desire to have a partnership in which I can finally be free to give all of myself without worry or constraint of expectation and to share all of my hopes and dreams. I still have the desire to have children of my own, which I never have had. It’s not being taken from me; rather, it’s being made stronger. It’s family I desire most and I know it’s all coming. The Lord knows my cries, as this morning, when I opened the Word, I opened it up to Revelation.
“And when He had opened the fifth seal, I saw under the altar the souls of them that were slain for the Word of God, and for the testimony which they held: And they cried with a loud voice, saying, How long, O Lord, holy and true, dost thou not judge and avenge our blood on them that dwell on the earth? And white robes were given unto every one of them; and it was said unto them, that they should rest yet for a little season, until their fellowservants also and their brethren, that should be killed as they were, should be fulfilled.” Revelation 6:9-11
Now, granted, these verses speak of future events which have not yet happened and have nothing at all to do with what I am talking about. Yet, in the midst of the passage, is the very cry of my heart. It is the essence of how I feel about this season I am in. The fact that it is but a season is even mentioned here! The cry is, “how long, O Lord, holy and true…?”
Just how long will this go on? I don’t know about any of you or how you must feel about the season you’re in, but I’m getting worn and tired. I know that my God will not give me more than I can handle. I know that He is here, even now, encouraging me to remain transparent and comforting me at the same time as I pour out my heart to you and to Him. How long? It seems I ask this daily now, and yet, I wait. I wait upon The Lord.
I have sisters going through the same, yet I am not meant for them and vice versa. I know a brother who is experiencing this as he prays for his ex-girlfriend to come to Christ. He is dedicating the next two days to prayer and fasting of both food and sleep, all in a plea to The Lord for this girl’s salvation. I cannot help but think that it is also partly because he desires companionship and the only thing standing in the way of that is being unequally yoked. Whatever the cause, even if he is merely praying for her salvation alone with no other motive, I know him. He feels this, too, and is in his own season of preparation, waiting.
So, there is no man I could turn to for guidance, other than the One Man Who brought me to this place, Christ Jesus. Therefore, for the comfort I seek, I go to a scripture that speaks volumes of where I am, where you possibly are, and what all of this is about. Bear with me, it’s a lot, but if you’ll read it out loud to yourself, it may soften even the hardest of hearts in knowing the reason for this season. I know that it always does mine.
“To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.
What profit hath he that worketh in that wherein he laboureth? I have seen the travail, which God hath given to the sons of men to be exercised in it. He hath made every thing beautiful in His time: also He hath set the world in their heart, so that no man can find out the work that God maketh from the beginning to the end. I know that there is no good in them, but for a man to rejoice, and to do good in his life. And also that every man should eat and drink, and enjoy the good of all his labour, it is the gift of God.” Ecclesiastes 3:1-13
Whatever our struggle, whatever the season, rejoice! For this life is a gift, it is all the gift of God. He knows our battles, and if we’ll trust in Him, He will show us that they’re already won. Fear not. Be of good cheer. It’s all for the purposes of Almighty God, and what better life is there than serving our Creator? I know my wife is on the way, along the Way, which is in Christ, and so as I wait, I will be content and rejoice in what I have, and who I now am, and whom I am yet to become, but mostly in the One doing all of it for me, The Lord, GOD Almighty, Jesus Christ.