Desires

“Now it was in the heart of David my father to build an house for the name of the Lord God of Israel.  But the Lord said to David my father, Forasmuch as it was in thine heart to build an house for My name, thou didst well in that it was in thine heart:  notwithstanding thou shalt not build the house; but thy son which shall come forth out of thy loins, he shall build the house for My name.” II Chronicles 6:7-9

Many times in the past couple of months, I’ve been told that God does not give us desires (righteous ones) that He does not intend to fulfill.  He is not cruel and He does not want us to suffer in misery.  I’ve heard this because, to this day, I do not like to be alone.  I desire the companionship of a Godly woman.  While I know He is not cruel and does not want us to suffer in our own misery, I also know that God has plans for me and His plans outweigh my desires (unless, in fact, my desires are His plans).  To that end, He works within me to change my desires to align with His desires.  Which brings up this scripture:

“Thou shalt not take thee a wife, neither shalt thou have sons or daughters in this place.” Jeremiah 16:2

It’s been a while since I’ve actually read the book of Jeremiah.  I’ll never forget the way this verse really hit me.  I closed my Bible and cried.  I really knew He was speaking to me.  Now, I knew the historical context and purpose.  The next few verses explain it.  But, I knew that verse was for me.

Questions ensued.

Is this forever?  Is it just while I am in Vegas?  If so, does this mean I will eventually leave Vegas?  Is it a state of mind from which I must move and not a physical place?  Am I going crazy?  LOL

I still do not know the answers to any of those questions, except being crazy (of course, there is a fine line between insanity and genius, but that is anther subject).  What I do know is that the women to whom I find myself attracted are either not attracted to me or are nowhere near me or are married.  And so, here I am, years later, still searching.

But, maybe God wants to change my idea of attractiveness, you say?  Maybe.  But, why then are there Godly women who easily fit within my idea of attractive?  I see them everywhere.  God does not save only the homely.  There are some smoking hot, Holy Ghost filled ladies throughout the church.  There are probably as many as are not.     Let me tell you, just because someone is a spiritual powerhouse, that does not mean they are attractive to everyone, hot or not.  They are attractive to someone, just not me.

But there it is.  So, the real question is, do I have a desire for a wife, which is a good thing, when God is asking me to leave that all behind?  I am not entirely sure.  But, that is a possibility, which David knew all too well.

He had blood on his hands.  God knew his desires to build Him a house, but God could not allow the blood stained hands of the warrior king to do the building.  All of the preparations were made, but David could not build it.  If he were to have built it, God would not have blessed the work and likely not have moved in.  It was within David’s heart and God saw that.  God even acknowledged that the desires were good.  He just couldn’t allow it.

Knowing who I was and with whom I still battle within, I’m beginning to think God is saying the same to me.  Perhaps, I cannot have a blessed marriage.  I’m 45 years old with two divorces under my belt.  My track record stinks.  Maybe He knows it might not go well, even though I’m now saved.  Maybe I’m too far gone and unable to have a healthy relationship.  Who knows better than He?

I suppose time will tell.

Regardless, I can tell you this morning that not all of our desires will be fulfilled.  God will fulfill the desires of our heart, but that is when we chase after Him, get closer to Him, know Him better, and allow Him to change our hearts so that our desires align with His.

There are some desires which must be surrendered.

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